Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Welly welly well.

It has been forever since anyone has touched this thing, although I go back to it every so often just to see if either Llama or Karl has posted anything, which they never do....I guess we all got over trying to keep in touch. I suppose it is kinda a moot point since Karl and I go to the same University but Llama is in New York City, and we don't really talk that much anymore except about trivial, meaningless things in short text messages. In a sense, I feel like we are growing apart from each other since I went from being close to Llama and talking to him all the time to not talking at all. The same goes with Karl, although we still go to the same university. I mean, we see each other almost everyday but don't talk about anything for the most part. It's hard to explain to someone who isn't me. Heh.
Although we are growing apart, I have made some friends at college. They will never replace those I am losing, but having new friends helps ease the separation a bit. I know they feel nothing for me, and I nothing for them. For the most part, they are placeholders, dolls. We can relate but don't really care what happens to each other. That being said, I seem to be the only one that no one really gives two shits about at school. This makes me envious of those who have someone else who they are close to, who they relate to more personally than just the trivial, everyday bullshit I've got.
For Lent, though I have no idea what the meaning is, I'm not giving anything up. I am going to post on this blog everyday, even if the post is just trivial things about my day or life or just generally junk. It is a sort of vent for anything I may be feeling or just a way to kill time that isn't as wasteful as other stuff I can do.
On a happier front, I'm still alive and kicking. College is going well as far as I can tell, despite the annoying drive to get there. My classes are interesting for the most part and I don't really want to kill any of my professors. In relationship to the rest of my post, the happy part is pretty damn small....
As time goes on, I don't know if I'm really changing. That is a question others will have to answer, and that is how I think I will close this post. Have I changed since you've known me or am I basically the same as I was before?

6 comments:

  1. Well sir,
    I see that you are much more ambitious what with this musical project this summer. I am still happy to say that I hope we still relate somewhat. I know it is more difficult with everyone not being home. It's just a part of life I suppose. I do know that if you ever need people to be there for you we (as in everyone) will be there for you.
    Philsir

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  2. Yes, contact with Llama has been limited when he is at college and most of the things ARE trivial, but it's not that bad when he's home. Right now, it's hard for everyone to be as intimate with everyone they used to be intimate with (be in friendship, love, thought) because there is just so much happening all at once right now. It's a big transitional phase, but those feelings are always still there, just as important, but not in the forefront for the given moment (and i stress for the given moment). Once summer rolls around, people will get talking more, they'll be more physical, face-to-face interaction.

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  3. Chin up, Gillmer. I'm glad to see you write, even if it's just a blog post. I keep meaning to call you to ask how the writer's life is, but I'm much too disorganized.

    In any case, I think there isn't any action or interaction that is intrinsically deep or personal. What gives relationships meaning is the extent to which we are capable of caring about the trivial, every day bullshit that we do in fact manage to share. And yes, I think having that capacity changes and possibly "deepens" a relationship, but it comes first.

    We find meaning in meaningless relationships, and thereby we find ways to build the ones that mean something. But the first part is important too.

    That said, can you guess who this is?

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  4. Yes, I know who you are. You are using your livejournal login, so I can just click on your ID to see your LJ. That being said, you is broSasha/Ungjoon/Shaw/

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  5. Oh neat. I had wondered why I didn't need to login to post...

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  6. Hmm, Sasha and Merd's posts seem to ring true. You have changed a bit, but you're still the same Gillmer I know from high school, even still similar from Crest from what I can remember. I wouldn't change you, though I'd like to see more happiness in your life. Here's to finding it! You'll always be one of my best friends, no matter how busy things are, I may not show it all the time, but know that it's true.

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